And your TLC life!
I have found this blog as much used as my diary – weeks, even months of blank spaces.
I tried, really hard, to be that wank speaking, high browed arty know-it-all with a low brow spite. But, who knew that Seasonal Anxiety Disorder would beat the shit out of me so badly this year. I feel like it has actually affected many others as well. So there I have my silent kindred humes who potter on. Perhaps they also had the optimism to see that this was going to be temporary, summer was coming to melt away that awful black ice. And the only thing to do was to keep on going through hell until the exit loomed. At least with what you could work on could come with you through it.
I think, during the down period that I had this year, as a way to help me deal with the blues, I finally employed my newly honed illustrative skills. And I feel it was successful.
Although my printmaking and Advanced goals suffered quite a bit, I am very greatful for the support that I received from my Mentor for allowing me to pursue other objectives while in the TLC Advanced program. I know for a surety that I wouldnt have been able to express myself fully through the processes that I was newly exploring and developing this year. The sadness, inner grief and down-right non-bipolar split-emotional states I was washing through. I feel more together now, but it was really interesting for me to explore what it was like to be… separate. To not feel like my logical side was one with my emotional side. Like the emotions in me were overwhelming me in its attempt to save me from the world. Like I had no balance.
The days I managed to be at school I did make some prints. I can say that yes, I do have enough work this year to make a decent exhibition for the TLC End of Term Exhibition Advanced 2016 Term 4. But do I feel like I deserve it, given the month or two that I couldnt save myself from myself? No. I really dont.
Now that I am reasonably mentally balanced again, and back to focussing again on Advanced, I feel almost disjointed and removed from what I had created earlier on in the year. What did it all mean to me back then? Even though I knew it still had little verbal meaning to me – it was simply a exploration of what interested me enough to do for Advanced. I want to give it words though. It deserves that life.